Tech arrived, first thing, stapled some more wires to the house, plugged in a modem, and now we have an actual connection.
Still need to get the IP block provisioned,and then Configure Modems and Crap, but we're mostly there.
And, because the neighbor's pairs were slightly hinky, tech decided to put my old service on the bullshit temporary line, which then freed up the two spliced, 1971-era pairs under my lawn for the new connection. It's getting 11M download speed, even with the old wires. Presumably, we'll get that last M (we're supposed to have 12) when the buried-cable folks finally arrive and do their stuff ... but that'll happen when it happens; they can take their time, now.
What this also means is that once I'm done with Aforementioned Crap and we don't need the old DSL anymore, should it happen that the Big Windstorm that we always seem to get with around this time of year takes out the tempwire, or some kids manage to decapitate themselves on it while running though the woods, or whatever, the only thing that goes out is my landline phone -- not quite sure why we still have this ... oh wait, I remember now: we wanted to have something that would still be working if the power went out in the next big storm. Umm... yeah.